| Future Wrestling Alliance - September 9, 2000 - Palo Alto, PA |
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| Friday, September 08, 2000 | |||
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The evil president of the Future Wrestling Alliance enlists some "freaky" help as his bodyguard takes the FWA heavyweight championship from its popular titleholder on the FWA card held at the Citizens Fire Hall in Palo Alto, PA, on September 9. The card, which also featured a wild ladders-and-tables match, was well worth the 150-mile one-way drive from west of Baltimore. (I know, I have no life) Crowd estimated at 300. FWA promoter: MIKE BURN. Evil FWA president: DANIEL GGGGGGG. MORELAND. Physician in attendance: DR. DAVID MORELAND (Moreland? Hmmmmmm). Ring announcer: "CAROLINA" JIM TITUS. Timekeeper at the bell: BILL MILLER. Referees for the evening: D. EDWARDS and PAUL TURNER. Taking ringside pictures for the media: TIM WALKER. Taping the proceddings/working match security/etc/etc: the FWA/SMART MARK PRODUCTIONS: GARY WALTER, GLENN BOYLE, "DAREDEVIL" DAVE NEISWENDER, and DONNIE BRASCO (and a retroactive mention that Donnie was also in attendance at the CZW card in New Jersey I reported on about a month ago). Also on hand were THE BAD CREW, who supplied the ring, and numerous trainees from Baltimore's BONEBREAKERS Wrestling School. Ring announder JIM TITUS announces at the beginning that this card is being taped to be shown in five 30-minute episodes on RCN cable television in the Bethlehem-Allentown-Easton area. Doing the play-by-play for the cablecast are R.C. and JEFF GORMAN. MATCH 1: QENAAN CREED (with TOMMY IDOL and PANDORA) pins MARK "THE SHARK" SHRADER (with "RAMBLIN" RICH MYERS and GABI LEIGH) in 8:32. Shark announces to the fans that Myers has agreed to be his fellow "Fin Twin" until the injured GREGORY "THE MARLIN" MARTIN is able to wrestle again. This is the first appearance of the petite but boobulous Pandora as the valet for Creed and his fellow "Sex Idol" Tommy. Rich and Tommy brawl to the back, from which they do not appear again during this match. Shrader is quickly pummeled by Creed, then is choked by Pandora as Qenaan distracts the ref. As she approaches Pandora, the crowd exhorts Gabriela to "slap that [female of the canine species]!" Creed gets a 2-count, then lays his leg across Mark's throat. Shark follows with a sunset flip and his own 2-count. Creed counters with a clothesline, knee lift and choke. Qenaan misses a somersault flip, and Shrader, encouraged by chants of "Go, Mark, go!", lands some punches. When Mark charges, however, he is met by Qenaan's boot. The Sex Idol covers for a 2-count as Shark is able to get to the ropes. The two exchange Flair chops. Qenaan hits a side kick and moonsault, then climbs to the top turnbuckle where Gabi distracts him long enough for Shrader to land a rompecojones. Mark then suplexes Creed off the top rope. He follows with a couple of double underhook suplexes; but when he goes for the cover, there is no ref to count because he is arguing with Pandora. As Mark turns to find out what's going on, Qennan lands a side kick and gets the 3-count. MATCH 2: HOMICIDE (with DAN MORELAND) pins DINO DIVINE (with COLLEEN) in 9:03. Dino starts out with some blocks and slams, sending Homicide scurrying as the crowd taunts him with chants of "Homo-cide! Homo-cide!" Homi returns and backs Dino up with forearm smashes and a splash in the corner, then covers for a 2-count. Homicide chokes Dino as the ref argues with Colleen. A 'cide judo chop and another 2-count. When Moreland gets his two cents in by choking Dino on the ropes, he gets slapped by Colleen. Dino chases Dan around the ring and gets Pearl Harbored by a Homicide clothesline. Homo gets a 2-count after a top-rope elbow smash. As Colleen leads the crowd's cheers, Divine suplexes 'Cide off the top rope. He then charges, but Homicide puts his foot up and gets a 2-count on the fallen Dino. Dino gets a 2-count after a sidewalk slam. Homi punches Dino in the scrotal-groinal-crotchal area. Homi tries to suplex Dino but can't. Dino, however, *does* suplex Homicide and gets a 2-count as 'Cide has a foot on the ropes. A Divine clothesline and another 2-count follow. Moreland then distracts the ref, arounsing the complaints of Colleen. As the ref turns to argue with Colleen, Dan plonks Dino with his briefcase and Homi covers for the pin. MATCH 3 (brought to you by the folks at Roddick's Tools and Gifts): MARSHAL LAW (with THE LOVE BUG) and HIGH VOLTAGE go to no-contest in 4:56 as special guest referee CHEF D.Z. GILLESPIE forgets he's the ref and not a participant. Among the fans is a very vociferous female supporter of the Marshal, who spends the whole match alternately shouting at the ring and giving some other ringsiders the "Stone Cold salute". Curiously missing this evening is the elderly woman I call "Grandma Voltage" who could have countered Stonette's shouts, if not the fingers. Marshal gets an early advantage as manager Love Bug distracts High from the task at hand. Law jackhammers Voltage, then throws him out of the ring where Love Bug works on him. Voltage pummels Bug outside the ring but is clotheslined, slammed and kicked by the Marshal as the crowd chants something that puts Love Bug's sexual orientation in question. Marsh misses a knee drop, and HV takes advantage, working on that knee. High covers for the pin; but ref Chef is distracted by Love Bug to the extent that Chef splashes LB in the corner. With Chef and Bug now engaged in a brawl, referee Turner comes out and orders Dr. Bill to ring the bell, signaling "no contest" The fans serenade JIM TITUS with a "Carolina!" chant. Before Jim T. can announce the intermission, GABI LEIGH and RICH MYERS come out with an ax to grind with PANDORA and TOMMY IDOL. Let the match begin., MATCH 4: "RAMBLIN" RICH MYERS (with GABI LEIGH) pins TOMMY IDOL (with PANDORA) in 5:32. Rich sends Tommy outside the ring almost immediately with a huracanrana. A re-entering Tommy punches his way back into the ring. He back flips Rich; but Rich lands on his feet and hits a hip toss and arm drag. A Rich drop kick on a charging Idol sends Tommy outside once again. There's some brawling around the ringside table, advantage to Ramblin'; however, Pandora trips a rebounding-off-the-ropes Rich, and Tommy goes to work, getting a 2-count. The fans chant something questioning the matrimonial status of Pandora's parents at the time of her birth. Idol gets a 2-count after a back flip, with Myers reaching the ropes. Rich gets 2-counts after a sunset flip and schoolboy. Tommy gets more 2-counts after, respectively, a clothesline, a double ax-handle off the ropes, and a body slam. Tommy leaps off the top rope but is met by a stiff flying drop kick from Rich. Rich then gets the pin with a German suplex. BEGIN INTERMISSION Five lucky FWA spectators carry off some loot during another evening of intermission raffles. Here are the results: 9355802 wins tickets to the next FWA card in Palo Alto (October 21) 9356114 wins any three Smart Mark Videos of her choosing 9355962 wins the show poster autographed by all the FWA wrestlers 9355975 wins the WWF prize pack consisting of an athletic bag and mouse pad 9356014 wins two luxury boxes to the 9/25 Raw taping at the Brice Jordan Center in State College, PA I don't win anything; but then again, I didn't buy raffle tickets SO MUCH FOR INTERMISSION MATCH 5, a special ladies' match: CANDIE pins COLLEEN in 7:37. Candie threatens to leave as fans do the "puppies" chant and then serenade her with taunts of "[woman with loose morals]!" When Colleen applies wrestling holds, Candie heads for the ropes. They hook up for the old test of strength, which Candie short-circuits by hair-hauling Colleen. Candie follows with stomps. Some male fans in their late teens taunt the attractive Candie with a "Put your clothes on" chant. I wonder to myself what's wrong with those male fans in their late teens. Colleen finally corners Candie with some punches and kicks, then goes to the top turnbuckle. Unfortunately, Candie pushes her off the turnbuckle and covers her for a pin as the ref doesn't notice Candie's foot on the ropes for the leverage. Not a popular decision with either Colleen or the majority of fans that were solidly behind her. MATCH 6 (brought to you by the folks at Century Press): THE FAMILY OF FREAKS (ADAM FLASH & "DOOMSDAY" DANNY ROSE) successfully defend the FWA tag team title by pinning "SODA POP" RONNIE ZUKKO & TWIGGY RAMIREZ in 12:42. Twiggy tries to get some staccato clapping going but fails miserably. Adam and Twiggy exchange exploratory maneuvers, then Twiggy gets the first 2-count after a snap mare. Several fast tags later, Ronnie finds himself double teamed with Adam getting several 2-counts. At one point, Doomer stretches Ronnie (who is holding on to the middle turnbuckle for dear life) horizontally, enabling Flash to vault over Danny to land the sit-in on Zukko. Rose gets a 2-count after a power slam and suplex. Ronnie then goes charging into Danny; but before he gets there he is drop-kicked by Adam who had leaped off another turnbuckle. Adam then pummels a cornered Ramirez but turns around and is clotheslined by Zukko. Twiggy tags in and continues the assault, getting a 2-count. Twiggy and Ronnie back drop Adam, with Ronnie getting a 2-count. Zukko whips Flash into the ropes and delivers an elbow. As the ref is preoccupied with keeping Danny out of the ring, there are several phantom tags made by Z&R. Adam is double-teamed and repeatedly kept away from tagging to Danny. Ronnie gets a 2-count after hitting the ax-handle. Adam rebounds off the ropes and hits a face buster; but it's Zukko who gets to the corner to tag. Twiggy gets a 2-count after elbow-dropping Flash. As the bad guys go for another double team, Adam delivers a perfectly-placed dropkick simultaneously to the scrotal-groinal-crotchal areas of both wrestlers. He follows this with a double face-buster. Doomer finally tags in and cleans house. Everybody is in the ring at once. Adam gets a 2-count on Ronnie. Tommy sets up Doomer for a power bomb but winds up drop kicked out of the ring by Adam. Danny throws Ronnie to the mat, where Adam hits a top-rope leg drop and covers for the pin. The fans roar their approval. For the time being. The Freaks are the "people's choice". At least for the next 20-25 minutes or so. More to come. The next match is scheduled to be the ladders-tables match, the participants on one side being THE HIT SQUAD (MONSTA MACK & MAFIA). Manager DREW LAZARIO announces that MAFIA has been arrested and that he [Drew] went back to his old neighborhood to find a partner for Mack tonight. He has found an unusual-looking partner, to say the least. MATCH 7: DON MONTOYA & LOW-KI pin MONSTA MACK & "EYE CANDY" VINCE MENDOZA (with "HOT SHOT" DREW LAZARIO) in 14:25 of a wild ladders/tables match. Mendoza comes out in orange shorts, a loud-color striped muscle shirt and a pink feather boa. I sit there thinking that he must go to the same haberdasher as does Barry Casino. A lot of the early action goes on outside the ring, and I hear more than I can see. I hear the noise of clanging chairs. It looks like I see Mendoza being hurled over a vendor's table by Montoya. Back at ringside, Monsta throws Low-Ki into the ring. Back in the crowd, I see Montoya slamming Mendoza against a wall. As Montoya comes back to the ring, he is clubbered by Lazario. In the ring, Low splashes Monsta while Don clotheslines Vince. Low carries a kneeling Vince upside down into a corner. Don and Lazario are out of the ring arguing, and Monsta dives over the ropes onto the two. Montoya recovers, goes back into the ring, and then does his own top-rope dive onto Mack and Drew. Crowd chants "FWA! FWA!" There is a ladder in the ring, and Vince leaps off the ladder onto the floor onto the aforementioned wrestlers. By this time there is an even longer ladder in the ring, and Low moonsaults off the top of the ladder onto the wrestlers on the floor (a leap of about 15-18 feet. "FWA! FWA!" With Low-Ki and Vince battling outside the ring, Montoya gets a 2-count on Monsta in the ring. Don then whips Mack into the ladder in the corner. Crowd chants "Table! Table!" Mack then places the ladder length wise in the crotch of a cornered Montoya, then slams a chair against the other end of the ladder. Don falls out of the ring. Vince plonks Low with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring. Vince jumps off that ladder onto Montoya, but Low makes the save at the 2-count. Mack gets a 2-count after power bombing Low-Ki. Montoya places the ladder over Mack and Mendoza, their heads between rungs, then hurls the whole thing into a corner. Low-Ki and Montoya finally set up a table in the ring. They put Monsta on the table, but Vince throws Low out of the ring and gets Mack out of harm's way. Mack throws Don into the smaller ladder. Low then climbs the bigger ladder, and Vince is in pursuit. Monsta sets up another table in the ring as Mendoza and Low battle almost at the top of the ladder. Montoya does a baseball slide into the one ladder, sending Lazario and Mack out of the ring. Low then gets the advantage at the top of the ladder and plunges Mendoza off the ladder directly through the table and the pin is counted. That's all in one fluid combination.: plunge off the ladder, through the table and pin. The fallen Mendoza is carried to the back by security personnel. The stipulations of the evening's main event, the FWA championship match, are that the only way one can win the match is by not answering a 10-count. There are no disqualifications. MATCH 8 (brought to you by the folks at the Stadium Bar and Grille on Peacock Street in Pottsville): "THE BODYGUARD" JAKE DANIELS (with Evil FWA President DANIEL GGGGGGG. MORELAND) won the FWA championship from "LIGHTNING" MIKE QUACKENBUSH in 9:51. Mike attacks Jake and drags him to the ring. He hits a mule kick and neckbreaker, and leaps off the top rope, landing feet first and hard on Daniels. Jake comes back with a backbreaker into a slam. He throws Mike off the turnbuckle; but Quack lands feet first and drop kicks Jake. Jake throws Quack over the ropes; but again, there is a Quack drop kick following another feet-first landing. Mike leaps off the top turnbuckle but is caught by Jake, who slams him to the floor. The fans try to rally the champ with chants of "Quack! Quack!" Jake slingshots Mike across the ring with a gut-wrench suplex. Quack and Jake trade punches. Quack has words with Dan Moreland, and the president retreats to the back. Alas, only temporarily, as we will soon see. Mike dives clear across the ring onto Jake. Moreland comes back accompanied by HOMICIDE. Homi starts to stomp on Quack. A chair-wielding DINO DIVINE, accompanied by COLLEEN, arrives to try to even things up; but this backfires when Homicide grabs the chair and uses it repeatedly on Dino, as Daniels hits Quack with a series of suplexes. DON MONTOYA comes out and is likewise chaired by Homicide. LOW-KI enters the fray outside the ring and is suplexed by Homicide. Out come DANNY ROSE and ADAM FLASH, and it looks like the Freaks will even things up for Quack. Not. As 300 shocked fans look on, the Freaks pummel Quackenbush. Flash hits Quack with a top-rope leg drop. Doomsday follows with a tombstone piledriver as a strutting, smiling Dan Moreland gloats as only he can. Meanwhile, in the ring, Quack is in the land of the unconscious, unable to get up as the ref counts 10. Jake Daniels is the new FWA champion. The torture doesn't stop, however. Daniels and the Freaks continue to pummel the lifeless Quackenbush. Homicide roughs up Colleen. Daniels then choke slams Colleen, who is then carried to the back by the departing ref Edwards. As the Freaks and Jake continue the brutality, president Moreland orders the sound engineer to play his theme (the "Iron Man" theme used most famously by the Road Warriors) at top volume.
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